


For the First Time

by starlight_and_seafire



Series: Variations on a Theme [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Life After War, Post Episode IX, Pre-Relationship, Yavin IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:41:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21939880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlight_and_seafire/pseuds/starlight_and_seafire
Summary: For the first time, she feels it. She’s home. She’s finally home.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Rey
Series: Variations on a Theme [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1579810
Comments: 18
Kudos: 144





	For the First Time

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven’t seen The Rise of Skywalker, you probably want to do that first before reading this.
> 
> Also, I bought The Visual Dictionary for The Rise of Skywalker and became a little obsessed with it, so I had to incorporate a few new things from it into this story: Rey calls D-0 her little duckling because D-0’s design was based on an attentive duckling; and as a child, Poe built and flew microlight gliders on Yavin IV.

There were a lot of things Rey expected to happen after the war ended. She just didn’t necessarily expect so many new experiences.

For instance, a weekend wasn’t really a thing on Jakku. She had to eat after all.

And a weekend during a war _really_ wasn’t a thing.

So when she returns from Tatooine after paying her respects to Luke and Leia, she settles on Yavin IV along with Finn and Poe and the other leaders helping to rebuild the new government, using the old Rebellion base as headquarters. It was only then that she truly learned what a weekend was.

Turns out she was really good at it.

The first time she has nothing on her schedule, she has no idea what to do. Over their evening meal, while sitting at the kitchen table in the home of Kes Dameron, where Poe, Finn, and Rey were all staying (“ _You’re family,” Kes had said to her the day she had arrived. “And family stays here.”)_ she broaches the topic, her mouth full of the spicy meat stew prepared by Kes, of what exactly one does on days off.

“Maybe I can ask Threepio if he wants to help me with translating some more of the Jedi texts?”

Finn grins and rolls his eyes. “No peanut, a day off does not mean you spend it meditating and pouring over the old Jedi texts.”

Poe suggests she simply not set an alarm and lay in bed for a while longer than normal.

She suggests that maybe he should actually listen to his alarm for once. The walls weren’t exactly thin at the ranch house, but as Poe continued to sleep through them time and time again, the increasingly loud buzzing sound could be heard even in her room.

He just sticks his tongue out at her.

She sticks hers out back at him.

By the time she enters her room that evening, holding the door open to allow D-0 to roll through, she still hasn’t decided what to do with her time off.

“You staying in here tonight, little duckling?”

“Ye-ye-yes, please,” D-0’s animatronic voice replies as he looks up at her.

She just smiles and leans down, scratching her fingers just beneath its upper cone, only now possible since D-0 first started allowing touches from Rey, and Rey alone.

Still, he makes a soft burble of contentment before rolling to a corner and plugging in to charge up overnight.

She gets ready for bed and settles in, sighing in pleasure at the welcoming comfort of the warm bed. She turns off the light and closes her eyes.

A moment later, her eyes pop back open and she reaches over to the night table, hitting a few buttons to power off the morning alarm. She hates to admit it, but maybe Poe had a good idea. And who knows, maybe it would even be nice.

It probably wouldn’t matter anyway. She’s spent a lifetime waking up with the sun.

The next thing she knows there was a knock at her door and her eyes, for once, groggily open ( _and when had she ever been anything but immediately alert at a sudden noise when she had just moments before been completely vulnerable?_ ) and she blinks blearily in confusion.

“Whoozit?” she calls out raspily.

She hears Poe’s familiar voice through the door. “You awake yet, Rey?”

She props herself up on her elbow and waves her hand. The door immediately opens and she sees Poe enter, a teasing grin already pulling at his lips.

“And here I thought you were the morning type.”

She huffs at him even as her eyes still threaten to close in sleep once more. “What do you want?”

“I was going to see if you wanted to join us for breakfast, but clearly you have other ideas.”

She’s rarely been one to say no to breakfast, but her bed is soft and warm and —

And then Poe continues. “I mean, we can set a plate aside for you for later, but can I just mention how honored I am that you took my suggestion? Never thought the day would come where you would listen to me and—”

And then she groggily lifts her hand and he’s nudged out of the room, his laughter floating through the air as she closes the door behind him.

She flops back down onto the mattress and burrows beneath the covers once more, falling back asleep with a smile on her face.

***

Three months later, late in the evening before another free day, she was given a warning.

“Don’t let Poe talk you into it. It’s bad news.”

She raises a curious eyebrow at Kes, before turning her gaze toward Poe. He holds up his hands defensively. “I don’t know what you mean. It’s great. An absolute blast.”

“You broke your arm in an accident.”

“That was one time.”

“Takes after his mom, that one,” Kes says, looking back at Rey as he hooks a thumb towards Poe.

“Can’t deny that.” Poe grins at his father, and Kes smiles back, and something twists in Rey’s gut, the faint sensation of jealousy sitting cold in the bottom of her stomach.

Then Kes rests his hand on her shoulder and gently squeezes, and the warmth of it causes the jealousy to fade quicker than anything.

Kes leans in, a conspiratorial grin on his face. “If he tries to talk you into it, make sure he earns it.”

***

Turns out she was good at that too. Then again, their constant bickering during the war had taught her that. Then, while it had gotten her blood pumping, and their banter had felt good in ways actual fights hadn’t, it was still filled with the lingering stress of war, the worry that if one of them was actually wrong, lives could be at stake.

But now, with the war (mostly) far behind them, occasional skirmishes from splinter groups aside, it’s no longer fraught with the same tension.

It’s an entirely different tension now, one she’s still trying to navigate, but it still felt good, still got her blood pumping.

So when she teases Poe about the design of the microlight gliders sitting in his father’s shed, and he defends their specifications, they bicker back and forth until the gliders sit refurbished, practically good as new, before they haul them outside.

She wipes her hands clean on her trousers, proudly beaming at their creations, a wide smile gracing her face as she turns to look at Poe, who’s wearing a matching smile.

She blames the heat in her cheeks on their hard work, before she’s distracted by the cheerful beeping from BB-8 and the mechanical whirring of a smaller droid rolling along beside him as they approach the two.

BB-8 closely examines the gliders before happily announcing his approval of their work and chattering away with Poe about their proposed route.

Rey stands a few feet away, watching the interaction between the two, before she notices that D-0 is next to her, anxiously rolling back and forth in quick succession.

“Is it safe?” the nervous droid asks as it looks between her and the gliders.

She squats down in front of him. “Of course, little duckling. We doublechecked the glider specifications and the weather conditions, right?”

D-0 bobs his head a little in acknowledgement, his anxious movement finally starting to slow down.

She gives him a gentle smile. “It’ll be okay. I promise. I’ll always come back for you.”

BB-8 rolls beside the smaller droid, and with his friend at his side, D-0 says, “I’ll miss — miss you. See you soon.”

“See you soon, duckie.”

She stands back up and turns to face Poe who’s standing just a few feet away, an odd expression on his face that she can’t quite decipher but causes something to flutter sweetly in her chest. So she just says, “Ready, flyboy?” and he gives her a dazzling smile in return and within moments they lift up into the sky, the gliders soaring above the canopy of the trees filling Yavin IV’s jungle. With the wind whipping through her hair, and nothing but so much green, wonderful life filling her vision, she lets out a whoop of delight, hears it echo from Poe a moment later, and she looks over at him —

Her stomach twists pleasantly, and she’s not entirely certain whether it’s from the sensation of gliding through the air or from the man who had led her to this moment.

***

She wakes up gasping for breath, sweat clammy along her forehead and the back of her neck. This isn’t the first time she’s woke up shaken from this particular nightmare. In fact, nightmares aren’t unusual for her at all. While her connection to the Force and her skill at mediation has managed to keep the worst of it at bay, her nightmares are more frequent then she’d like to admit.

And this particular night a storm rages outside, a torrential downpour of rain hitting the roof as the wind shakes the windows, unleashing a cacophony of sound inside the ranch house.

She remembers the first time she’d seen a storm like this. She was intrigued, even amazed, overwhelmed in the best of ways. Nature was a powerful thing.

But it wasn’t the wind or rain that bothered her now.

The lightning lit up the sky, each dazzling bolt imprinting on her mind, pulling to the forefront the memories of a dark cavern, staring up at the sky as she was laid out on her back, fear coursing through her blood as she thought of Poe and Finn, her family and her failure.

She had risen then. And she rises now, too disconcerted, too _terrified_ , to stay in bed a moment longer.

She pads out of her room and down the darkened hallway until she gets to the stairs. She wonders if someone had accidentally left a light on downstairs before they had gone up to bed, a weak light emanating from the living room as she silently makes her way down the stairs.

Then she hears the sound of soft music quietly playing and she turns the corner to see Poe sitting on the couch, leaning forward as he rests his elbows on his knees. His eyes are closed, but he’s clearly awake, his head tilted slightly as he listens to the music.

She’s not sure what to do. Should she say something? Make some sort of noise to let him know she was there? She doesn’t want to startle him. Or maybe she should leave him be? Clearly he has something on his mind, but then again, she doesn’t really want to leave either . . .

Before she can make up her mind, he says, “You can join me, if you want.”

She startles at his unexpected statement. His eyes don’t open, but the corners of his lips tilt up slightly at the corners.

“How did you know I was here?” she asks, as she shuffles to the couch and sits beside him.

“You may think you’re stealthy, but you can’t sneak up on me,” he says almost a bit smugly, his eyes finally opening to look at her.

Sometimes she thinks he may be more Force-sensitive then he believes. There’s a Force Tree just across the yard, and sometimes she thinks there may be a connection between the two, the way the same sort of light seems to permeate the both of them.

Then again, she wasn’t trying to be too quiet, she just hadn’t wanted to wake anyone up. This was his house, he probably knows the sounds it makes when someone is moving through it.

So, she just hums a little noncommittally.

He just keeps gazing at her though, soft, steady, contemplative. “Couldn’t sleep?”

She just says, “Nightmares,” the word being punctuated by a bolt of lightning, and they both glance towards the large windows lining the side of the room.

She sees the flinch run through him, the same sort that had just run though her.

She knows nightmares are what brought him down here, too.

“I grew up here, you know,” he says, and she does, he and his father regaling her and Finn and any of their guests with stories of life on Yavin IV. “I’ve seen these storms dozens — hundreds — of times. I used to stand at the window, press my hand against the wall, and just feel it shake the house. Now . . . now, it’s different.”

“I see it in my dreams. I wonder if I’ll ever stop seeing it,” she says hesitantly, unsure of what exactly she’s trying to say. She’s never really talked to anyone after she’s had a nightmare before. She was alone on Jakku, and even during the war, she couldn’t bring herself to talk about them, not when it seemed everyone had their own nightmares to deal with. So, this is a first, and while she doesn’t know if she would be any good at this, this sharing and commiserating thing she’s seen others do, she tentatively tries to navigate this particular path. She swallows hard. “It should be something beautiful. Awe inspiring. Instead, it was—” and she shakes her head, swallowing back the lump in her throat, the nightmare still haunting her at the edges of her subconscious. “I thought I’d failed. I thought you all would be killed, and it would be because I failed. All the while, the lightning . . .”

She trails off, eyes staring out the window as she tells herself _they’re alive, they’re alive,_ the only thing she knows to do when the fear threatens to swallow her whole.

Her hand flexes on her thigh. Poe reaches out to rest his hand atop hers, and his warmth starts to drive that cold, hollow feeling away, and she flips her hand, palm facing up, her fingers curling instinctively around his.

They sit in companionable silence, the sound of their soft breathing interrupted only by the quiet music and the occasional rumble of thunder, the sound growing more and more distant as the storm begins to move away.

Poe’s voice is soft, almost shy, when he begins to speak. “When I was young, I was so scared of these storms. I would crawl out of bed and my mom would find me, and she would sit me on her lap, and she would play this album.” His voice drifts off for a moment, and she looks over at him, his other hand playing with the ring at the end of the necklace he wears, his eyes gazing out the window but also to somewhere far beyond, to a memory only he could see. A hint of a smile appears on his face then, but it’s tinged with something sad, as he continues. “I would just sit with her and listen to the music and I felt — I felt safe. Absolutely, perfectly safe. And before I knew it, I would be waking up warm in bed. Always worked like a charm.”

He turns that soft smile towards her, and she smiles back, a gentle thing as lethargy starts to settle into her bones once more.

“Have I ever showed you King’s Peak?” he asks, suddenly.

She’s heard of it. Kes has even shown her a few pictures he’s taken after a hike to the mountaintop. But she’s never seen it in person, so she shakes her head.

“Well, that’s my mistake. The first time my parents took me up there I must have been five or six. It’s the most incredible view you’ve ever seen. You want to see it?”

He knows of her love for nature, for green and growing things, the spectacular and the serene, all connected together in the Force.

She tells him she does.

“Then get a couple more hours of sleep. It’ll be a little muddy, but it should be a nice hike. I think you’ll like it.”

She returns to her room, D-0 making a soft sound of concern as she settles back into bed.

“I just had a little nightmare, but it’s alright now,” she says, and as she lays her head down, she believes it. She thinks of mountain trails and bubbling streams and the soft sounds of Yavin IV’s native species, warm, companionable silences and strong, steady presences, and before she knows it, she’s waking up, safe and warm, in bed.

***

By now, she’s spent a year on Yavin IV, walking through the densely wooded paths, breathing in the warm, humid air, basking in the green-gold sunlight filtering through the trees, but she’s never been here before. This scenery, this breathtaking, life-affirming landscape stretched before her, this — this is a first.

At the same time a deep sense of serenity descends upon her, a rush of wonderment, excitement, astonishment surges through her bloodstream. It’s enthralling, absolutely intoxicating.

A hand reaches out, warm fingers curling around her own, and she turns to face the man next to her who is looking at her like — like she can’t even begin to describe.

All she knows is the same feeling that had filled her moments before rushes through her magnified tenfold.

It’s not the first time she’s felt this. She wonders how she missed it before.

“What do you think, sunshine?”

She wants to roll her eyes at the familiar nickname, but this time she hears it differently, hears all the things hidden just beneath the surface. It’s like she’s hearing it for the first time.

She thinks he’s asking her if this might be where she wants to stay, if this might be where she wants to rebuild the Jedi, where she might want to make her new home.

And as she gazes across the landscape, on one side there’s the old temple amongst the dense jungle. Then she sees the familiar clearing near the ranch house, and next to it shines the ethereal light from the Force Tree.

It’s perfect, she thinks, as she takes in the view before her. She feels goodness, and light, and love all around her. The Force is telling her this is home.

But that’s not really it, is it? The feeling is not from what she sees before her.

Instead, it’s the people who have made this home, and now there’s this man beside her who sets her nerves alight and heart aflutter, who makes her feel passion and serenity in equal measure, and through it all, she feels warm and safe and . . . loved, loved in a way she’s never felt anywhere else before, only feels when he’s nearby.

It is new. It is wonderful. And now she knows, she finally knows.

There’s a world of new experiences that she never imagined could happen to her, not when she was just a solitary scavenger growing up in the sands of Jakku.

And she wants to do it all side by side with this man, who pushes and pulls her and gives as good as he gets and makes her feel —

She steps close to him, raises her hand to his cheek, the rasp of his stubble delicious against her palm. His eyes search hers.

She leans in, presses her lips to his, feels his hands come to her waist and pull her close.

For the first time, she feels it. She’s home. She’s finally home.


End file.
